Yesterday being Valentine's Day, I saw an interesting article at Relevant Magazine offering up the top TV marriage of each decade since the 1960s. According to the author, the winners were:
1960s - Rob and Laura Petrie of The Dick Van Dyke Show
1970s - Bob and Emily Harley of The Bob Newhart Show
1980s - Cliff and Clair Huxtable of The Cosby Show
1990s - Homer and Marge Simpson of The Simpsons
2000s - Eric and Tami Taylor of Friday Night Lights
2010s - Peter and Kristina Braverman of Parenthood
You can click here to read the whole article and I'd love to hear your feedback. First though, here are a few of my own observations:
It's odd that the first three selections all come from shows called "The (Star of the show's name) Show." Not the name of the character played, but the actual name of the actor. Bizarre.
Interestingly (albeit, I would argue, not coincidentally) Friday Night Lights and Parenthood both had Jason Katims as executive producer and a main creative influence. Both of these shows were/are favorites of my wife and mine. In fact, we only watched Friday Night Lights (on DVDs from the library) after having gotten hooked on Parenthood and finding out that Katims had also done FNL.
The Simpsons? Either TV marriages were horrible in the 1990s or...well, you'll just have to read the article.
In all fairness, I didn't even see the halftime show, so I can't comment directly on its content. What I can heartily agree with though are some of the broader themes Stonestreet discusses as he addresses the hypersexualization of youth in our culture and the damaging effects it has. He states,
This is a social justice issue. And to the hipster Christian writers so concerned with social justice who celebrated Beyoncé’s performance as “empowering women,” shame on you. Beyoncé is unbelievably talented. But using sexuality for power is not a triumph for feminism. It only leads to the objectification and victimization of women, especially young ones. I will tell you that wives, watching their husbands watch Beyoncé, weren’t empowered.
I confess, I am not all that "up" on the world of entertainment. That being said, even I am aware of Kim Kardashian and her recent (brief) marriage. This episode served only to reinforce what I already believed: that our culture as a whole has a profoundly distorted view of what marriage is and what it should be.
Into this quagmire enters Tim Keller, who (with his wife Kathy) has written The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God. I have not yet read the book, but based on the video below (recorded during a recent visit to Google's New York offices) and what I already know about Keller, I will gladly commend it to you. Whether you're married or single, Christian or not, please consider what Keller has to say. The first 30 minutes or so of the video are essentially a lecture, while the second half is in a Q&A format.
I saw something today that caught my attention. It occurred in the political arena, but my thoughts, I assure you, were anything but political. In the last couple months, Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain has risen from relative obscurity to near the top of the polls, only to then experience a precipitous dip in light of numerous rumors of extramarital affairs.
Author and commentator Ben Stein appeared on "The Early Show" on CBS this morning to discuss politics. The Cain situation was the first thing they tackled and Stein had this to say:
"I keep thinking to myself, yes, he is a sinner. Let him who is without sin among you cast the first stone. He's not running for pope. He's not running for saint. He is running for president. We've had lots of presidents who had girlfriends. We had President Kennedy who was a great president, he had girlfriends. President Roosevelt who was with his girlfriend when he died, he was one of the greatest presidents that's ever been. Thomas Jefferson had a very well-documented affair. I'm not saying it's a great thing; I'm just saying people are human. We can't judge people by super-human standards."
From a political point of view, I was not surprised by the comments that Stein made. I've gotten to the point where I'm not sure that there are any political comments (made by Republicans or Democrats) that could surprise me. From a different point of view though, I am enormously grieved by part of what Stein says. What especially grieves me is that I think most people in our culture probably share Stein's basic point of view on this: He says, "We can't judge people by super-human standards."
Setting aside the topic of whether a candidate's marital fidelity is at all relevant, this comment prompted a couple of thoughts: First of all, while I'd agree that it is futile to attempt to hold others to super-human standards, when exactly did the standard of being faithful to one's spouse attain the level of "super-human?" When I promised sixteen years ago to forsake all others, until death do us part, I harbored no illusions that my abilities were "super-human." And yet I made that promise, that vow, anyway. If I (or anyone else) should fail to keep such a vow, it isn't because we are NOT super-human; it is because we ARE sinners.
Secondly, while we might want to be careful about holding everyone else to super-human standards, we should never forget that God demands that his people not only be "super-human," but "holy" and "perfect" (Leviticus 19:2 & Matthew 5:48). This is, of course, something that none of us can or have done. None, that is, except the promised Messiah who 2000 years ago came for his people to be their covenantal representative, their sacrificial lamb and their long-awaited bridegroom.
This advent season especially, let us remember that "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God" (2 Corinthians 5:21). And let us forever rejoice that Christ is, and always will be, faithful to his bride.
As it is Erin's and my 16th anniversary, and since (as I mentioned earlier) our first date was a sequel, it only seemed appropriate to have a part 2 to this week's Friday Fun. I saw this the other day and knew I had to pass it along, and today seemed appropriate.
Sixteen years ago today, I was blessed beyond measure to gain Erin as my wife. It was without question one of the defining moments of my life and I have never ceased giving God thanks for so blessing me.
One year ago today I wrote "Marriage: Fifteen Years In" which is by far one of the most popular posts I've ever written. I still feel the same way about the things I said then, only more so. To see what I mean, click here.
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore. Late Wednesday night though, I sat there astonished at what I was reading. Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson had proclaimed that a man would be morally justified in divorcing his wife if she had Alzheimer's disease.
Let me be perfectly clear on two things:
Alzheimer's is a terrible disease, and I can't fathom the depth of the loss and pain and loneliness that one would feel as their spouse succumbs to its ravages. My heart truly goes out to all people in such a situation; the cross that is theirs to bear is more than I can imagine.
Pat Robertson does not speak for Christians and his is not a Christian position.
His statement underlines a fact that is already painfully clear to anyone who bothers to pay attention: Within the church, we have fallen into thinking about marriage in the way our culture thinks about it, as if it were merely a man-made institution created for our personal gratification that we adhere to so long as it "works" for us.
The problem with this view is that the Bible presents a radically different picture. It says instead that marriage was instituted by God himself, and that not just for our own benefit, but that it might be an image of the relationship that Christ Jesus has with the Church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Therefore, whenever a husband does anything in marriage, he is de facto making a statement about the character of Christ.
Now am I saying that every "statement" I make about Christ by means of my marriage is perfect? Absolutely not. I am ashamed to say that far too often I have not loved my wife "as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her." I am ashamed not just because that is what my wife deserves, but even more so, because it is what Christ deserves.
Yesterday Russell Moore wrote a piece that said much of what I would want to say on this topic, only better than I would have said it. He writes,
At the arrest of Christ, his Bride, the church, forgot who she was, and denied who he was. He didn’t divorce her. He didn’t leave...And the church, across the ages, isn’t significant because of her size or influence. She is weak, helpless, and spattered in blood. He is faithful to us anyway.
Moore goes on,
It’s easy to teach couples to put the “spark” back in their marriages, to put the “sizzle” back in their sex lives. You can still worship the self and want all that. But that’s not what love is. Love is fidelity with a cross on your back. Love is drowning in your own blood. Love is screaming, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me.”
Click here to read Moore's entire post. It's well worth your time. And pray that we all would have the ability by God's grace and to his glory to stay faithful to the promises we made to our spouses to love them "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part."
It touched my heart when I saw the video below at Zach Nielsen's blog, Take Your Vitamin Z. It was posted under the title of "Ephesians 5:25 in Action," referring to the verse of Scripture which reads, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," (ESV).
As I watched this video, I had a couple thoughts. First of all, let us all continue to pray for Bethany and for so many others whose lives have been turned upside down by this devastating tornado. Certain words are so overused as to become trite, and "unbelievable" is certainly one of those words. Having seen the damage caused in Joplin though, it is almost unbelievable in the very truest sense of the word.
Second, as Zach suggests, this is indeed a wonderful example of loving one's wife "as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." It's the type of attitude and action that should mark all husbands.
I may be wrong, but I honestly believe that most husbands (Christian or not) would be willing to act in such a way to protect their wives. Fortunately, very few of us will ever be faced with such a situation. Perhaps more relevant for most of us are the many ways in which we may be called to "give ourselves up for our wives."
Great. You're willing to die to save your wife's life. But are you willing to:
Forego the new golf club or hunting equipment, and spend that extra money on her instead?
Go where she wants for vacation this summer even though it's "your turn" to choose?
Have a heart-to-heart conversation, sharing hopes and dreams, instead of watching the ballgame?
I am far from perfect in these types of areas (especially the last one), so I am not sitting on a high-horse saying, "Follow my example." Rather I am beckoning us all as husbands to be spurred on today by the actions and example of Don. And even more so, let us be spurred on by the actions and example of Christ.
I might not be the world's greatest romantic, but I did a pretty good job when it came to proposing to my wife. Having gained her father's blessing, I showed up at her door step with a dozen red roses. There was a very nice dinner in a revolving, roof-top restaurant overlooking downtown St. Louis just before Christmas, followed by a limousine ride, a light show, and of course the proposal itself. Best of all, she was completely surprised.
All that being said, compared to this guy, I (along with just about every other guy out there) am nothing but a rank amateur. This made the rounds on the internet earlier this week, but I wanted to make sure I shared it as well. Check it out and be impressed.
Last week Randy Alcorn posted the following quote from the book Gospel-Powered Parenting. In it, William Farley communicates the heart of what I've tried to teach others about marriage and parenting...only he says it a whole lot better!
“This mystery [marriage] is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Here is Paul’s point. From before time began, God had marriage on his mind. He was preparing a bride for his Son, whom he would marry forever. It would take the crucifixion and resurrection of the Groom to bring this marriage to pass. Think of it. God created the most intimate human relationship, marriage, to speak of the intimacy of his relationship with his church.
God created the institution of human marriage to reflect, or mirror forth, this eternal union. In other words, human marriage exists to point men and angels to the eternal marriage of Christ and his church. The gospel made this divine marriage possible. Here is our point: human marriage exists to preach the gospel. It exists to illustrate the fruit that should follow the preaching of the gospel in the church.
To whom do our marriage preach? Of course, the first audience is God and his angels. They watch and rejoice, or if our marriage is a war zone, they grieve.
Who is the second audience? Most of us think first about our non-Christian neighbors. Maybe they will see our attempts to model Christian marriage and want the gospel? They might, and we hope they will, but actually they are the third audience.
The second audience, usually overlooked by most Christians, is our children. What is our marriage telling them about Christ and his bride? They see it all. They hear our fights. They absorb our attitudes. They know who or what really sits on the throne of our lives. They watch how we handle resentment. They hear the way we talk to each other. They know when we hear the Sunday sermon and apply it. They also know when we ignore it.
The message that our marriage preaches either repels or attracts our children. God wants your child to watch your marriage and think, “I want a marriage like that, and I want the God that produced it.” Or, “When I think of the beauty of the gospel, I think of my parents’ marriage. I want to be part of a church that is loved by God the way my dad loves my mother. I want to be part of a church that finds its joy in submitting to Christ as my mother joyfully submits to my father.”
Well, today is my fifteenth wedding anniversary. I am thankful to God for having so greatly blessed me, and today I find myself quite predictably thinking a lot about marriage.
Fifteen years in, has marriage been what I expected? In one sense, yes. I had a pretty good idea what it would be like because Erin and I already knew each other so well. We had dated since high school, so we had already overcome some of the hurdles that newlyweds less familiar with each other often face.
That being said, the fact that we knew each other so well coupled with the fact that (like most people right out of college) I thought I knew far more about everything than I actually did, presented peculiar difficulties. We were typical of most couples getting married, thinking our life together would be perfect. And even though we knew it wasn’t that way for many (most/any) folks, we were confident that we would be the exception.
So have these fifteen years been perfect? Honestly, no. Like any couple outside of the storybooks, in addition to the many fantastic ups, we’ve also had our downs. Most of these have resulted from a single factor: I’m a part of this marriage.
But from my perspective, and I am fairly confident Erin would tell you the same, our marriage has been wonderful. At times it has been difficult, but marriage has been the vehicle of God’s great blessing to me. Through it I have grown both emotionally and spiritually. I have been blessed with two amazing children who have the most loving and devoted mother I could ever want for them. Year by year I’ve grown closer to my best friend in the entire world.
And I have learned a lot about love.
Usually when we talk about love we are referring to a romantic feeling in the heart, a feeling that causes our knees to go weak and the butterflies to flutter in the pit of our stomach. Or perhaps what we mean is simply that when I am with that person they make me so happy. Maybe it’s just the sense someone gives us that, as Jerry Maguire put it, “You...complete...me.”
These are decidedly not what I am talking about when I say that I’ve learned a lot about love. Oh yes. They are all present too. And that’s another area in which I am enormously blessed by God. But when I say I’ve learned a lot about love, what I mean is that I’ve learned about true love, the kind of love that Christ has for his bride (the Church). And in seeing this love, I’ve also learned how very far short I fall of his example.
Bryan Chapell writes in Each for the Other, "God loves us as a consequence of the relationship he has established with us, not because of any beauty we possess or any service we could offer. Nothing better communicates this grace than unconditional love. A husband who cherishes his wife to honor the divine covenant that binds them, rather than any good she does for him, honors both his God and his wife."
This is the kind of love that I have tried to have for my wife (though I regularly fail). Love that is neither dependent on what she can do for me, nor on how I feel about her at any given moment. Rather it is love that is dependent on the commitment I made to her fifteen years ago today. A commitment to honor her and to cherish her. And yes, a commitment to love her.
Quite frankly, it’s something my wife has probably done a better job of than I have. Of course, it’s not really a fair comparison; there’s a lot more beauty in her to love than there is in me. If she’s going to love me, it can’t be for anything I possess! But in loving me in spite of all the messiness I bring to the party, she has shown me how to love her.
You see, I find her more attractive in every way than I did on the day we married. She is more beautiful in character, in spirit and in appearance. She still simultaneously makes my heart melt and race. But when I say I love her, I’m not talking about how I feel. I’m talking about a commitment to her well-being. A commitment to be a blessing to her. A commitment that I am honored to have the opportunity to keep.
I do this because Christ made a commitment to his bride, a commitment to be about her well-being. A commitment to be a blessing to her. A commitment that he was honored to keep. And in so keeping that commitment, he makes his bride lovely.
Make no mistake. I find my lovely bride to be completely worthy of my love (and far more for that matter). But that is not why I love her. I love her because Christ loved his bride even though she was completely unworthy.
A couple months ago Andrew Peterson released an album entitled Counting Stars. When he did, I posted this entry which included the video below to the song Dancing in the Minefields. Given the nature of the date today and the beauty of the truths contained in the song, I figured it was worth posting again.
Listen. Enjoy. And I pray that you might personally know the joy spoken of in this song, the joy that I’ve been so blessed to know for these fifteen years.
I often tell couples that "being in love" is a terrible reason to get married. Don't get me wrong. I hope that if you do get married that you are in love with your spouse. What I'm saying here is that this ought to be a circumstance of your marriage, not the reason for it.
I say this because there will almost certainly come a day when you won't feel the same you do today. Feelings ebb and flow; that's their nature. And if a feeling was the basis of your marriage, then it goes without saying that when that feeling isn't as strong (or isn't there at all) that the marriage is in grave danger.
What is far more important than any feeling is the idea reflecting the image of God through covenant keeping. This is what John Piper is getting at in this short clip:
My good friends at Knox Presbyterian Church just north of Detroit annually have a great marriage conference and this year's conference October 22 and 23 should be no different. The keynote speaker, Ric Cannada, will emphasize and focus on a broad and multi-generational view of the Christian family as he considers how we can work together in a covenant community to produce another generation of committed Christians following after us.
Ric currently serves as the Chancellor and Chief Executive Officer of Reformed Theological Seminary, where he has been since 1993. Before that, he served as a Presbyterian (PCA) pastor for 20 years.
One of the really neat aspects about this conference is that it is held at the Detroit Renaissance Center and the registration fee of $109 per couple includes a room at the hotel. You can register by e-mail at ryanmcvicar@knoxepc.org, or by calling Ryan at (586) 469-8500.
Here is the schedule for the conference:
Friday Evening, October 22nd 2:00 - 6:30 Hotel arrival and Check-in 5:00 Group Date at 42 Degrees North (optional) 7:00 Session 1 8:15 Break 8:30 Session 2
Saturday Morning, October 23rd 8:30 Breakfast date with your spouse 9:30 Session 3 10:30 Break 10:45 Session 4 12:00 Departure
I first became aware of Andrew Peterson when Kevin DeYoung posted a couple of entries regarding Behold the Lamb of God, a concert that Peterson does during the Advent season telling the Christmas story. I purchased the album and have thoroughly enjoyed it both musically and thematically, especially appreciating the emphasis that Peterson places on the Old Testament, the fact that the whole Bible is telling one big story, and that this story is that of Christ Jesus.
I've since become familiar with more of Peterson's music, all of which I've really enjoyed. He has a new album, Counting Stars, which will be released on July 27. I look forward to getting it and commend Peterson's music to you. Below is a the official video for one of the album's songs, Dancing In the Minefields. It's a beautiful song about the highs and lows of marriage with the reminder that marriage "is harder than we dreamed, but I believe that's what the promise is for."
Kevin DeYoung's post today is a good reminder for husbands (including me) as Valentine's Day approaches. Men, may we put this advice to work not just in mid-February, but all year long!
. In it, William Farley communicates the heart of what I've tried to teach others about marriage and parenting...only he says it a whole lot better!
I first became aware of Andrew Peterson when Kevin DeYoung posted a 
, which will be released on July 27. I look forward to getting it and commend Peterson's music to you. Below is a the official video for one of the album's songs, Dancing In the Minefields. It's a beautiful song about the highs and lows of marriage with the reminder that marriage "is harder than we dreamed, but I believe that's what the promise is for."
